Thursday, November 26, 2009

Number 636

Pappy's Fourth Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Awards

Thank you. Thankyouverymuch. I am thankful for all of Pappy's readers.

Today is Thanksgiving Day, time for Pappy's annual Thanksgiving Turkey Awards. It's the one day a year I get to pick the dumbest story I've found all year and present it to Pappy's readers. It's all my subjective judgment. You don't get to vote.

This year I've chosen "Million-Year Monster," which originally appeared in Forbidden Worlds #14 in 1953. I've scanned it from its appearance in a black-and-white magazine, Shock, volume 1 number 3, from 1969. Here's the cover of Forbidden Worlds by artist Ken Bald, where the story was so highly thought of it got the pole position. Note the red dinosaur with a man's face, note the Shemp Howard hairstyle. Note the atom bomb cloud surrounding the monster and a lone soldier shooting.

Inside note that the Million-Year Monster can speak, but what it mostly says is, "Me want Jill!" Words alone cannot describe this story. You just have to read it. The Grand Comics Database says the artists are Paul Gattuso? (? means they aren't sure) and Dick Beck.

"The Million-Year Monster," our award winner for 2009, earns four turkeys.

Previous award winners are:

2006: "The Flat Man"
2007: "The Day the World Died"
2008: Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen in "The Bride of Jungle Jimmy"


Mykal said...

Pappy: OK, who wants to get the ball rolling on this Thanksgiving day with the puns? I'll start - Which do you figure the monster liked best with regard to Jill? Breast meat? thigh? yuk yuk. I do apologize, but someone was bound to take the low road.

Man, what a bizarre comic. I loved it and will have to go back now and check previous year's winners of the coveted Turkey. As you say, artist and writer really took off the gloves for this one. My favorite line was "Jill - it's a freak! Watch out!" Favorite moment came a panel or two later when, as the half human reptile monster approaches Jill - its mouth a perfect circle of large, pointed teeth - our hero says: "I've heard enough!" I've heard enough? I would think the sight of the creature's approach would be enough to prompt action. Jill's protector is very thoughtfull under stress, I guess.

I really could go on - and on and on - every panel here is a prize. What a great post!! -- Mykal


Yes, yes, everybody wants Jill! Apparently the creature was reading the walls of the mensroom before it hatched.

You know, that was actually pretty cool! Well, "Story bad, art good", in the vernacular of the leading man from this story.

Hmmm - Highpoint? I dunno, but let's just say, when bullets bounce off a creatures skin, I doubt the hypodermic needle is going to puncture it.

Thanks for the turkey, Pappy!

Lysdexicuss said...

Some of the pseudo-science was probably half-researched by the writer~ or disremembered after reading an article while waiting to get his hair cut at the Barber Shop. I agree with Apocolyte~ I enjoyed the art (some panels more than others, but especially the 1st panel where the creature talks). It seems like they mis-paced the story, however, and ran out of room to wrap it up neatly. Very rushed. Love how Jill witnesses her own Father's decapitation and remains loyal to the beast. A definite TURKEY, no doubt about it... Wish I could find girls in bikinis to hose my giant eggs...

Pappy said...

Thanks for your comments, y'all. I appreciate the close reading you guys did. ACG's supernatural comics are a treasure trove of bizarre stories, but this one is out there, even for them.

A horny monster with a mop hairdo, sharp teeth, a tail and scales, rampaging after his beloved. A tender tale, actually. Gets me kinda, well, dewy-eyed.

I hope everyone had a great holiday. Washing down dinner with friend Jack Daniels made for quite a boisterous and loud family gathering amongst the Pappy clan. I'm glad it's only once a year. The older I get the longer it takes to recover.

Karswell said...

Fave Panel: the damn shoe in the way of a good head crunching! As if the silhouette isn't tamed down enough from the actual scene of carnage itself.

Squa Tront said...

I always enjoy your Turkey Award stories and this one is right up there with the rest. So much wacky-arsed goodness in the plot and dialogue I wouldn't know where to begin. If this was a movie I'd definitely rent it. Top marks!