Thursday, September 07, 2006
It's Easy To Win Her!
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You say you don't get along with women…say you want a girlfriend but you can't find one? Say when you try to talk to a female your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth like it's been Superglued? You say when you do ask a girl out you suggest she come to your house to drink beer and watch NASCAR and she says, "No thanks!"
You say you're 45-years-old and the last time you were kissed was when your mom sent you off to kindergarten? You say that you're a flop with chicks, and you been this way since 1956? You say you can't meet girls at the comic book store where you spend all your time and money?
Is that what's troubling you, Bunky?
Well, rejoice! Put down this copy of Crime Does Not Pay #107 from February, 1952, pick up an envelope, a 3¢ stamp, and a black crayon and mail this coupon, ordering this terrific book, How To Get Along With Girls!
It'll tell you what girls really like in a guy, and hot stuff like how to interest a girl in you. (Hint: It might help if you wash your hair and change your underwear more than once a month.) It'll also show you how not to offend. (Brushing the moss off your teeth is a good first step!) And the all-important how to be well mannered. (Don't show her how long and loud you can belch, or how far you can spit.)
Until you get those preliminaries out of the way you're not ready for the section on "how to show her a good time," unless you promise not to try for that "good time" during the first five minutes of the first date. Dinner and a movie are nice, and might even lead eventually to her showing you a good time!
Finally, take it from one who knows, if you want to find and keep a girlfriend, always trust advice you can find for 98¢ from a crime comic book ad.